Workout Run Down (Trainer)

H and I had a great session, with a lot of sweating on my part.  I did not count the reps, but I would guess around 35.  I don't know the names of these exercises, so I'll describe them to you:

(the following performed on a step with five inserts for height)
*mountain climbers (leaning at angle, as hands were on step)
*alternating toe touches
*one leg step ups - reps done on each side
*one leg cross overs (leg not on step fans both sides of step) - reps done on each side
*15 incline walking at 3.5 pace for 2:30

Repeat the series twice.

Followed by two rounds of the following, 10 reps each:

*incline pushups
*incline one arm row with 20lb kettlebell - reps done on each side
*kettlebell lifts (held with both hands, lifted from hips to chin, elbows pointed out)
*kettlebell tricep extensions (both hands, behind the head)



Coming up next:  photo food journal

Vacation Food & Exercise Recap

After five days of vacation in the D.C. / Virginia area, I am slowly coming back to life!  In terms of food, I feel like I did okay with the hand I was dealt.  There was a lot of eating out at restaurants, and while I was able to keep it vegetarian, I was not able to keep it vegan for the most part.  It's amazing how many places are not receptive to non-meat eaters.  Further, the company that I kept was less than interested in trying to make me feel welcome (food-wise).  There was a lot of bananas and peanut butter when not at a restaurant.  The one night I was able to convince my host to stay in, I made a spinach, strawberry and nut salad with poppyseed dressing.  I'm always a little hesitant to take the lead with my elders, and I think this lead to my less than perfect eating.  Next time, I'll have to be a little pushier about getting my food requirements met.

Exercise in July in a mid-Atlantic state does not happen outside on purpose.  That in mind, I did not bring my running shoes.  I instead offered to walk the dog, go to the basement and second floor for any reason.  When I went to the Newseum and International Spy Museum (highly recommend both), I chose a metro stop further away so as to increase my walking.  I selected a garden to tour that was on a hill, and had several stone staircases.  When in buildings, I chose the stairs instead of the elevator or escalator. Anything active I could do, I did.  There were many hours in the car as we rode to different locations and back, but considering the circumstances, I did my best!

 For your viewing pleasure:  International Spy Museum, Newseum, Shenandoah Valley from Skyline Drive, and the Potomac in Alexandria.

Coming up: Workout Run Down

Progress

As mentioned in my previous blog, two weeks ago I had a challenging therapy session.  Today we were able to continue that session, and while I still harbor a desire to be better before moving on with my life, we were able to reason with my strong "perfectionist" side.  It's such a deep belief inside, that it's hard to me to consider doing things, going places, taking risks as the person I am now.  The size I am now.  I'm still hesitant to move forward completely, but at least I know now why I hold back. 

It's difficult to release such strong, core centered beliefs that have been in your life since childhood.  But, I guess that's why therapists exist; they help us figure out the why we do / we think certain things about ourselves.  I know not everyone is a supporter of therapy, but for me - working on the reasons why I overeat, why I hide, and why I'm afraid to move on - it has been an amazing experience. 

Progress on the inside is just as important as progress on the outside.

Giving Up

This week I've given up.  Given up listening to my body.  Given in to every desire my mind puts in front of me.  Eating, eating, and more eating.  Given up on working out, except for my two sessions with H at the gym.  I'm hateful, I'm mad, I'm wanting to numb.  I could tell you that it all started a week ago with a powerful therapy session, one that ripped open one of my deepest insecurities and didn't get to heal it since we ran out of time.  Yes, that's true.  But I chose to put everything in my mouth.  I thought about each item, felt the tightness in my already taut abdomen - and ignored it.  Clearly, I don't want to deal with the truth.  I don't want to explore that insecurity, and I do want to make it all go away by stuffing myself.  When this emotional part of me is in the lead, it is scary.  While I'm not exactly afraid of it, I do give in to it rather quickly.  "I can't deal with myself, my past, my life. I want to disappear into a food frenzy; it's the only way to distract myself."  It is a very aggressive part, and I've given up fighting it.  You win.  I will make myself feel even worse physically, and let you be in charge.

I'm taking today to listen, and ask this part of me: "how I can help you?  I see you're here, you're in charge, but what is your purpose in overeating?"  No judgement, just listening.  Self, I am not giving up on you.

June Reflection, July Outlook

June - Once again, the scale didn't do a lot of moving.  I have only myself to blame for that, and my continued battle with emotional eating.  The first week of the month, there was a lot of emotional eating due to various stress factors in my life.  I turned them around, and each week has had only a few episodes.  The second week, I amped up the exercise and started to run again more frequently.  These last two weeks of the month, I've been working out more than I ever have in my life.  Nearly daily runs outside, intense workouts with my trainer, plus gym workouts on my own using her routines.  Due to all this activity, my clothes are loose, my measurements are going down, and my mood has been improving.  Whenever I feel overwhelmed or anxious about not having progress move fast enough, I have to remember that the biggest battle of all is in my head.  

July - I have two more weeks of sessions with my trainer, and then I'm on vacation for five days.  Purchasing another expensive workout package really isn't in the cards right now, so it'll be up to me to push.  I know I can do it, I just have to make a committment to myself.  While on vacation, I won't be working out - but I do plan on walking a lot.  Food won't be a concern because I know I'll have support from family.  Further, I don't want to have any intestinal issues while staying in someone else's house!  Keep it vegan, keep it clean!  Yet again, getting my head right will promote success.  I won't be getting in my own way this month.


Coming up: Weekly timed one miler, goal review, holidays